Just a roleplayer
He wouldn’t ever make anyone feel the way he felt, he felt empty and just wanted to hold Lierah for a long time. He followed her and smiled, someone actually made an effort with him, someone actually cared about him and it meant so much to him. “best combo ever” he said, he hung on her hand and pulled her into him kissing her head. “thank you baby”he looked her in the eyes “i’m not in the mood to eat it right now but can we put it in the fridge and save it for later?” he said smiling. “it looks gorgeous, just like you”. She knew how to make him smile, whether he was up for it or not. That was something special.
Even though he had planned the date for her, she wanted to change it to where it was for the both of them. She looked at him and smiled when he approved of the chocolate and M&Ms together. She kept close to him as she looked at him and nodded. “You’re welcome baby, I can’t make up for ruining the date or the surprise and I’m sorry for ruining everything.” She loved hard, and when she does something wrong it really bothers her to the point she can’t sleep. Even if he did tell her it was okay, it would still eat at her and make her sad.
She looked at him and nodded. “I’ll put it in the fridge for you to eat later.” she smiled and looked at him. “Well thank you.” She looked at him before she kissed his cheek. “I love you.” She wrote on a piece of paper don’t touch for Beau only! and taped it on the top and picked it up. “If you want, after I put this up, we can go upstairs and talk. I really don’t want this to get worse.” She frown a little but tried not to show it, she held onto the cake and walked into the kitchen and placed the cake up. She closed the door before turning off the lights and walked back out, and slide her arms around him.
Once he’d closed the door Beau felt two arms wrap around his neck really tight, he wrapped his own arms around her waist and buried his head into her neck, letting out a soft sob. He felt safe enough with Lierah in his arms to be himself, he couldn’t hold back anymore.He didn’t even have the strength to reply to her so all he did was kiss her forehead and make sure he held her close. He let everything out because that’s all Beau yearned for, was to be loved by someone, was to be held, was to have a family he could call his own. He promised himself he’d give his child unconditional love and show it to him everyday, unlike his own parents.
She didn’t know how it was to be unloved by her parents, but she knew that no matter what, she had to be there for him, and she was. She wasn’t going to walk out on him like everyone else did. She loved him too much to do that to him. For the first time, he was the one that she wanted to hold, he had always held her when she was hurting and it was the only thing she wanted to do was do the same to him. To show him that she was in love with him and that she was sorry for what she did, she didn’t mean to ruin everything not his life or the surprise for his unborn child.
Lierah looked at him when he kissed her forehead, she didn’t let any space get between them. She looked at his baby blue eyes before she leaned in and kissed him, just letting the kiss be long, sweet and passionate. She had to prove to him that she was sorry and that she felt guilty for everything. She pulled back slightly before she looked at him. “We made you something.” It wasn’t much but she hopped he liked it anyways. She held him close to her before she lead him to the table. “It’s not much, it was all I could find. I wasn’t sure if you still was a big fan of chocolate and m&ms together.”
Beau looked around for a moment to see where he could go, he sighed to himself and turned back around going back the way he came. “don’t cry” he said feeling his heart drop “i’ll be home soon” he reassured her, not that he wanted to face anyone but he owed it to her to go home.He dropped his hand from his neck and swung it by his side, “i’ll see you soon, bye” he held his phone to his ear for a moment before hanging up, he picked up his pace slightly because he felt bad hearing Lierah cry because of him. As he walked his eyes became red and watery, he tried holding it back but it just wasn’t working. So Beau walked faster with his head down, tears trickled down his face and he wiped them away vigorously. He got to the house and opened the door, not saying anything he just looked into her eyes.
Lierah walked around a little in the room, hearing him say don’t cry, but she couldn’t help it. Everything she loved walked out the door because of her. She nodded hearing him say he would be home soon. She tried to choked back the tears running down her face. “Okay..bye.” She hung up the phone, walking back and forth. The wait felt like hours but it wasn’t. She looked up when the door opened and he was in. She dropped her phone, kicking it across the room when she went to him. She didn’t care about her phone, just him.
She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, almost like she was trying to keep him from leaving again. She pressed her forehead against his, and cried. “I’m sorry.” She repeated it over and over again. It was her fault that he walked out on her because of her ruining it. Even he told her that she ruined the surprise. She wanted him, for the first time in her life she wanted him to stay with her forever and them deal with their adult problems. She didn’t care if his mom wanted nothing to do with the baby, that was fine with her but when it came to him, she wanted his mom to be there for her son.
He sighed to himself “no Li, i’m not letting you talk to her, not now. not any time soon either.” He was stressing himself out by keeping in his emotions and then having outbursts like this, even the slightest thing that he didn’t want to hear could make him feel like this lately, Beau had to learn how to deal with things properly, he just didn’t know where to begin.“i’m not in the right frame of mind to come home right now, i don’t want to cry or anything stupid in front of you” he explained, he always put Lierah before himself without trying to. Beau put his free hand on his neck and held it as he walked, he just kept walking.
The moment he told her no made her sad, she wanted to help but he didn’t let her the one thing she couldn’t do again was crack or make him even more mad, having him like this because of her made her feel guilty and she hated it. She didn’t care if he cried in front of her, she done it all the time, she just wanted him home because she needed him. “Please!” She tried hard not to cry but she ended up falling apart on the end of the phone. Lierah never in her life cried and beg for someone to come back, but she was with him. In that moment of telling him the sex of the baby caused her to lose everything she had.
She just wanted him home, he could put her in time out for ruining the surprise or not kiss her for a month. She wanted to help him, because it was her fault too and his mom was putting it all on him when it wasn’t just him. “We’ll leave for a couple of days and just worry about us and the problems. Please don’t go Beau. Just come home, please.”
He looked down at the ground and took a deep breath “so.. i just spoke to mom” he said to her still trying to hold back his tears. He trusted Lierah with everything and if anyone knew him more than his mom it would be her. He didn’t want her to get annoyed or anything he just needed someone to speak too “i officially feel orphaned” he let out as he began to stroll slowly.Beau couldn’t quite understand how he was feeling, he’d never felt like that before. He was bad with dealing with his own problems, he was happy to give good advice out but he’d never take his own. “i just don’t know how to feel” he began explaining to her “it’s the worst feeling in the world, i’m mourning for parents who are still alive but don’t want anything to do with me”
Lierah frowned hearing what he said. He lost everything because of her, his mom hated him because of her and he wouldn’t let her do anything about it. She couldn’t go behind his wishes when he told her not to do anything that would cause him to hate her even more. She stood up off the couch and walked around the living room. “Please let me talk to her baby, maybe if she hears it from me she’ll come around.” Getting him to agree to taking her to see his mom was like talking to a rock, he wouldn’t give in because he was trying to make sure she wasn’t stressed but she was already stressed.
She wasn’t sure how he was able to keep himself together when he didn’t have his parents support, she honestly felt like crap that the only support they had was her parents. She wanted his mom’s support because it was her grandchild too. “Come home, please we’ll figure this out together.” She turned her back to the front door, she wanted him to just come in the door, kiss her and tell her that they could do it on their own but he was probably miles away from her at that moment.
Whoa babe, what’s wrong?Oh you know, I always know how to ruin things.
What are you talking about? That’s a lie.
Honestly, this time it’s not a lie. Beau wanted the gender of the baby to be a surprise and my dumb pregnant ass told him what it was. He hates me now.
Beau’s mom answered, not knowing it was him. He’d called privately, he hesitated to reply because he didn’t know how she’d answer. “hi” he said wearily, his mom replied simply by asking him what he wanted, he felt hurt and explained to her how much he needed her at a time like this and she was the only parent he had to confide in. She wasn’t having any of it and told Beau she was serious about not wanting anything to do with him or the baby.Beau began to get teary eyed because he’d already been abandoned by one parent and those same feelings came flooding back when he heard his mother repeat the same words his dad had said to her. He was shocked by her whole tone, that all he did was stay quiet and after a while of her shouting at him he hung up on her and dialed Lierah. “hello?” his voice croaked.
Lierah stared at the wall before she heard his roommates come into the house, she kept hidden on the couch not wanting to get yelled at for making him leave. She looked down as she sighed some before rolling on her side and stared at the blank tv. She jumped hearing her phone go off before she seen it was Beau, she took a deep breathe before answering the call. Oh god he was going to dump her. She heard him say hello when his voice croaked. “Hi.” She sat up, with the phone glued to her ear.
Her mind went all over the place, she knew he was going to dump her and she honestly didn’t blame him if he did because she ruined everything and the moment that she cracked about the gender made it even worse and he already had his mom leave him because of her. She waited to hear the words it’s over, her heart was already in her stomach but she wasn’t sure what he was going to tell her next and she was scared.
Whoa babe, what’s wrong?
Oh you know, I always know how to ruin things.
(Source: soulofbeauty)
Beau didn’t know if he was ready to go back yet, he still felt some anger in the pit of his stomach, not all because of Lierah but because of reasons previously stated. He didn’t know what to do, or who to turn to. This was the worst he’d felt in a long time, he had the urge just to get a beer and chill with Mikey but he knew that wouldn’t deal with his problems.He turned his phone back on and went onto his call log, he hesitated over his mom’s number but decided to call her, hoping for the best. He began to take a slow walk back home whilst the phone was ringing.
Lierah just sat at the table before she finally got up and walked around. She went into the kitchen and looked for something to bake. I’m sorry cake in chocolate? She pulled out a pan then mixed the cake mixer in a bowl before putting it in the oven. She sat on the counter for what seemed like forever until the cake was finished then pulled out the chocolate icing. She spread it across it making sure it was covered then put I’m sorry in words using M&Ms. She put the cover on top of the cake and sat it down on the table. She cleaned up everything before leaning against the counter.
He never stayed gone long when he was mad at her but this time it was longer than she ever hoped for. She was scared that he wasn’t going to come home this time. She walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, kicking off her tennis shoes. She kept the tv off but laid her cell phone on her stomach just in case he called or send her a text message.
